What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
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