Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
