drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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