i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
