If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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