there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
