in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
