your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
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