there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
