thus making me awesome and them whores
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
