I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
My dick has a subreddit
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize
