lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Randomize
