it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
