Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
