I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
We had to coat check the pizza.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
