Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
