he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
