i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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