Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
