I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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