By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
