The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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