Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Just puked most of my soul out..
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
