remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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