You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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