My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
