but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
