Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
This beer is not sobering me up at all
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
