Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
