I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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