rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
