Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Randomize
