She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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