You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
