Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
