My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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