next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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