Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
