I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
