Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
