Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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