i just google imaged poop.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
