god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
