So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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