we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
