I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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