Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
