After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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