Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
