Cold hands, warm shart.
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize