So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize