You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
