Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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