first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
