I wannas sexs uuuuu
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
