Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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