separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
