the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
