Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
