my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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