dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
you would pick up someone in the library
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
