you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
