I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
