Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
