It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
