I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize