Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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