At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
