dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
only if we run a train.
done.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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