he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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