Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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