i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
50% drunk capacity currently
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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