so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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