After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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