STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
