You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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