Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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