My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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