they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
