I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
