my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
