so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
