in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
