dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Randomize
