Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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