I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
