but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
