No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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