I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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