I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize