I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
